It has now been 5 months since my mom’s passing and honestly, it still feels like yesterday… Some say it takes years to get over the pain, some say one doesn’t get over the pain, one simply adapts to it.
Sometimes, I wish I could forget it all. Just wipe out from my memory the part when I saw her suffering, in pain and no one being able to help or tell her what was wrong until it was too late.
At times I blame myself for not noticing sooner, but my mom always was independent and had a hard time asking for help. This was part of her strength, but in many ways, it also shielded me from understanding the depth of what she was going through. I’m constantly navigating conflicting feelings like , sadness, guilt and relief. I felt guilty for not being present enough and not paying closer attention, but I was relieved that I was present when she needed me the most. I’m also eternally grateful for friends and family who we were and are always there for us.
I consider myself lucky that I got to spend her last and toughest days with her ,when she called my name, wanted to hold my hand, when she needed something or just to know that I was there. My heart goes out to those who were never able to make it to their parents’ bedside for a last hug, a last goodbye, be it because of COVID-19, sudden death or whatever the case may have been.
GRIEF …unpredictable, unsteady, inconsistent.
One day you feel happy about the good things, the next day you sink into a black hole and feel guilty about having a good day. I think it is important to continue celebrating the good things, at least for me, that is what helps make the gloomy days more bearable, there is something to look forward to. We laugh, we cry, happiness and sadness coexist, and we adapt. It’s okay to feel joy while mourning, it doesn’t diminish the love.
Remember to check on your strong friends, my mom was The Strong Friend. Strong friends sometimes harbour their struggles quietly, shielding others from their pain. We need to remind them that it’s okay to lean on someone else, and that vulnerability can be a strength too.
M.-C. M. (1951-2024)
HYDRATE YOUR MIND 
Thank
you Harielle for sharing to us your thoughts, your resentments about your Mom, this remarkable and unforgettable Woman.
Tu as fait ton devoir. Tu étais toujours présente lorsqu’elle en avait réellement besoin dans ses derniers jours. Tu dois chasser en toi tout sentiment de culpabilité. C’était la volonté de Dieu et nul n’aurait pu la changer.
Il reste pas moins vrai que Marie Carmélite demeure inoubliable à tous ceux qui ont bénéficié de son amitié.
Que son âme continue à se reposer en paix.
Joanes
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